Since moving back to Colorado in 2013 I’ve had mixed emotions when it comes to visiting home. On one hand it is extremely exciting, the anticipation of seeing loved ones I may see only once a year or once every other year, and to see how little Ole Delaware has been since I’ve been away. And then there is the overstimulation of excitement from everyone who wants to get together. It is a gift to be so loved and to have many people want to spend time with you but it can also be completely overwhelming. Maybe you can relate?
As soon as I mention to anyone that I will be traveling east I feel my energy being pulled in so many directions like a cartoon character with outstretched arms and legs yet everyone continues to pull. That’s not to say their intention is ill but everyone vying for my time certainly makes me feel well, confused and exasperated. Having divorced parents also adds to the stress of having to split my time, who wants me for dinner this night? Have I given this one enough of my time? And while this was not my reality growing up as there was no co-parenting in my childhood it has become my reality since building relationships with both of my parents. It’s tough!
Then there are those who are never satisfied. A dinner isn’t enough, a walk isn’t enough, we need sleepovers and more, more, more. Learning my own boundaries has been essential in all of this but I certainly haven’t mastered it. Truth is I want to see many people as well, but navigating schedules and prioritizing those I want to see most feels like a corn maze. Often I feel depleted wondering where I even fit into all of it while trying to be present with each visit. Relationships take work, moving away taught me just how much, but also that it is two-sided. Some expire or grow toxic, some are out of convenience, and some are true. There’s no productivity in blaming someone else for who they are or where they are but we also aren’t required to continue hiking their mountain just to see where they are or be where they are. It takes two to tango as one of my former teachers used to say!
It’s not just people but also the environment that is shocking even having grown up there for 18 years. The town in Colorado in which I live consists of 9 blocks, no traffic lights, 15 mph speed limit through town, more dirt roads than paved, no fast food restaurants or even chains, more nature than concrete, more bikes and fewer cars, and although it too is growing and changing it is not yet the chaos of the concrete jungle. And the hustle and bustle of the rat race is largely non-existent.
So how do I manage? Truthfully, I don’t know sometimes. Ultimately, my day-to-day practices come in handy 100% during these turbulent times. I carve out time, even if just 10 minutes to move my body usually a little yoga, a walk, anything that grounds me. And another 10 minutes to just sit quietly with myself. I used to cast myself off onto a deserted island and felt obligated to give everyone what they wanted but I no longer guilt myself into that thought pattern. Of course not everyone will understand but I’ve learned that’s ok too. When we are behind our decisions 100% we don’t need others to stand behind them as well. We don’t need others to validate us or our decisions when they are authentically made.
Have you moved away from home? What’s been your experience with visiting home? Share with me below!
As always, thank you so much for joining me here
And until next time, Happy trails ♥
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